Dear Heavenly Abba,
For the last 1-2 years, I quietly dreaded every momentous date in the calendar. Birthdays, anniversary, new year, Christmas… Every celebration is a rude reminder of how I was yet another day/month/year older and the sense of dismay, of still being barren, of still not being parents, would pull me down to the abyss of self-pity. There would always be this twinge of sadness and longing at the end of the merrymakings.
As this year comes to a close, the familiar melancholy begins to manifest. Thanks to Amazon for its incredible ease of buying books on kindle, I have devoured many Timothy Keller’s books that have very convincingly and lovingly explain how I had tried futilely to fill up this aching emptiness in my heart with “idols” of this world. Some believes that money can buy them happiness. Some pursues love and romance to sooth the aches. Others liked myself crave for family/children so our life would finally be “perfect”. And yet, at the end of the day, to borrow the cliché phrase, that “the only constant thing in life is change”, none of these undependable ideals can really satisfy the void. However, given the very self-centered nature of human, oh, how difficult it is to remind ourselves that You have all the answer for us and all we need to do is to BELIEVE and LET GO. And focus on Your love for us and get it in our heart that this is all that matters.
A friend I knew online whom I never met but yet knows my pain very well wrote a beautiful email that touched my heart deeply. She shared with me what her mum wrote to her, that “because of what we have been through, we are uniquely trained to comfort those who are going through the same thing. We know what it is to hurt as they hurt, fear as they fear, and yearn as they yearn”. And I thought of You. How You also lost Your beloved son on the cross. That You knew my pain. That You had your heart broken as well. And more importantly, You did all these for us. All in the love for us.
My heavenly Father, I thank you and praise you for the blessings I have. And with Your gift of immense love and grace, I know that Year 2012 would be a good one. Because of the assurance that You will always be there to catch every drop of my tears and I can always run to You, my refuge, my fortress, and rest beneath Your wings.
My wish for Year 2012 is that my heart will be restful and at peace. That instead of aching emptiness, I will be so filled with your overwhelming love and grace, and in turn, it overflows to the people around me. Dear Father, let this wish be done according to your will. In Jesus name, I pray, amen!
