Feeling abit low

Feeling lil low today. Maybe it is the lack of sleep. Maybe it is the PMS.

 

I feel inadequate, insecure and isolated.

The only consolation is that neutral and diplomatic Yong, after listening to my woe, agrees with me that my distress is justified. He would feel the same way too. Thank you.

Just read a passage from one of my many Buddhism books. The anguish I felt is a result of dependency and expectation from others. And that is why we human can never be at peace with ourselves.

Guess that is why even though when I told Yong that it is okay cos I got all the love I need from him, it did not really lesson the hurt.

Acknowledgment and acceptance are the antidotes. And I will try.

My new 21.5" iMac - Awww... my new love

Two weeks ago, my faithful Fujitsu S series laptop refused to boot up after slogging for a grand 7 years. It had been on life support (battery pack died) since ... 4 years ago? But I refused to let up and continued to squeeze as much as I can from the poor fellow.

Had been preparing for its death for quite a while already. Backing up stuff in my hard disk every few months so I don't get a heart attack when he finally goes. Nonetheless, the blank black screen and sound of its rebooting (futile) attempts still shocked me a little as I struggled to accept its defeat.

That little nostalgia quickly gave way as I had been (re x1000)reading the newsletter Apple sent on their latest iMac launch. I pulled Yong down to Parkway Juzz shop and to our disappointment, it was not out yet. We looked wistfully at the empty space on the tables in anticipation of the great 27" new iMac.

27" or 21.5"? That question lingered on for a few days and we decided that we will stick to the smaller sized iMac. It is already a HUGE size upgrade from my modest 13" fujitsu though I have to say Apple played the price game VERY well. 21.5" is at $1788nett, add another $500, you get the 27", add another $300 you get the quad core. I love and hate you Apple!

Anyhow, it was a good choice. My neck felt sore after the first night with my white baby (that sounds Sooo wrong) as I had to move my head up and down, left and right to view the content on the gigantic screen. Had to push the desktop to the edge of the table, against the wall so I can view it more comfortably. Guess for 27" I had to move my chair to the other end of the room in order to surf the net?

I just had to take down the moments I opened up the jeweled box, revealing my precious. My mum helped to lift the desktop out of the box and I just loved it when she stared at the empty box and said "that is all???" The magic of iMac. Simplicity.

3 steps set up. Easy as ABC. (I got the Juzz guys to install everything for me first including iWorks)

Step 1: Open the box


Step 2: Marvel at the content for a while before taking it out carefully. Helper advised.


Step 3: Plug in the powerpoint.


Ta-da.... My working iMac!


The wireless keyboard and much talked about Magic mouse.

Both yummy looking and function seamlessly with iMac. Connect using Bluetooth automatically. Just remember to switch off battery for BOTH keyboard and mouse. I switched off the mouse but not the keyboard and after a week, the low battery sign is blinking everyday.

That is it for my little post on my iMac. I have yet to explore the iMac except for iPhotos. And I am already squealing oohs and ahhs... can't wait to get to other applications. Love love love....

Friends of 23 years

Had a primary school gathering last Friday. You heard that right. Primary school gathering. Friends I know practically whole of my life. And the best thing of all, my form teacher came along too! Even she is awed by our tenacity to meet up year after year.

They have been doing this for quite a while before they “found” me after my uni days. I left May primary school when I was P4 and lost contact with them for years.

Thanks for Friendster and now Facebook, I am back in contact with them. And we gathered this time for a farewell party for one of us. She is getting married to her Jap boyfriend and moving to Japan in December for good. And the fantastic attendence (more than 15 of us turned up!) moved her and me.

They are not my closest closest friends. But the bond we had since 7 years old warms my heart. Really fun catching up with them, finding out how they are all these years.

Much of the topics were on wedding and renovation since we are all in that stage of our lives. At one point the guys were talking about diamonds and the girls looked very lost in the conversation. Apparently all the guys became diamond experts after they researched the perfect diamonds for their wives. Awww… sweet…

We should have more of these gathering. They were saying we should go visit another form teacher during CNY. I can’t wait.

The journey of becoming Mrs Lim

Blogging is hard work. It needs loads of discipline and I am really lacking in that area.

Started a wedding blog in livejournal earlier. More of a together thing with Yong. But he is really not the blogging kind so I decided to make this a more personal blog.

Journey started back in wee hours of Feb 8th 2009. Came back from Jess's birthday party. Took a bath and sleepily stepped back to the room.

I stared at the petals on the bed blankly. Then upon seeing no one in sight in the room, I turned around by instinct to look for Yong at the back of the door. He took my hand and lead me back by the bed and only when he kneeled down, I comprehend the question Yong had laid out in petals. So with wet towel round my neck, washed undies in one hand and him holding the other, he recited his speech which he had practiced for the past weeks.

People tends to think I am the sweet romantic sorts who must dig this kind of gesture very much. Blame it on the voice. Truth is I am often more awkward than touched. And in the height of the romance, I would laugh off the awkwardness habitually. Which of cos spoils the whole ambiance. But for Yong, I had only a split second of that urge to laugh and was quickly overwhelmed with his and my emotions. I was really really really touched.

Touched that he had meetings with my F4, sneaked in during my toilet breaks, to discuss on this. Touched that he wrote out and practiced the proposal speech many times. Touched that he timed and rehearsed the laying of the flower petals according to my bath time. Touched that he made multiple trips to the ring maker to change and change the ring design to perfect it. Touched that I am so blessed to have met this wonderful man. I could not have asked for more.

And for the past few months it has been FUN searching for our love nest, wedding dress, looking for designs for the wedding band, photographer for our big day, deciding on our reno contractor, colors of our walls, appliances for the home, and many many more nitty gritty aspect of building a home together. And I LOVE every single minute of it.

Henceforth the birth of this blog.

I want to remember this high I get from the preparation of our new home and matrimony life. The excitement of the new life. Our hopefulness. Our simple delights. And if life becomes tougher later on. I can look back and remember all these happy times and gain strength from these memories. 

..........................eh.......

.............Abit Rou ma hor.. will stop now......

PS: Typing away on our new iMac. The 21.5" baby is rocking my world. Love it to bits. Will do a post on the opening of the iMac box and the set up of this precious. I am THAT geeky.

Should I do these in my wedding too?

Written November 6th 2009

Just attended my cousin’s wedding on last Friday. What fun it is to meet up with cousins and uncles and aunties in a happy occasion! It is kind of exciting for me cos it is the first time I brought Yong along to meet my mum’s relatives. He was not feeling well that night and was quieter than his usual quiet self (yeah, I thought that is not possible too) but as usual, he is so unassuming that he kind of blended in to the family rather well.

Had so much fun with Cousin-in-law Serene and we two 三八婆 basically 三八-ed the entire night. I was so amazed by our yakking abilities that I took a min to marvel at it with her before we continue for the night.

I have not thought about my wedding since the decision to postpone it. So it was kind of fun when I was at my cousin’s wedding where questions if I should include this or not are quickly answered by my been-there-done-that cousins. And I learnt that:

Table to table photography is NECESSARY! And I kind of understood why when I spent an hour rushing through my make up and hair so I can look half decent for a wedding dinner after work and how I would cursed the wedding couples who wun take a photo of my dress up attempt.  So back in the list of to-dos…….

The much loved/hated yamseng session is actually a chance for our parents and relatives to flaunt their do ups on stage! *enlightenment* But really, I have surveyed enough feeble yam seng exercise accompanied with less than gusto attempts from the floor. The poor brothers (sometimes sisters) often than not felt obligated to be the surround sound replacement. But I ponder how many ppl I will offend if I omit this out, following the fashion of the previous point. Remains in not-to-dos list till further notice.

Agnes Photo montage was really interesting. Right at the end of the montage, the screen zoomed out and it showed  a giant photo of the couple that is made up of all the photos that were shown previously. There was muttering of “imac” “apple software” amidst the oohs and aahs. And me and Yong looked at each other in delight. We are going to purchase our desktop from Apple and this nifty function just reinforces our good taste in imac. Hehe..anyhow I tested out the response of photo montage with Serene. And upon knowing that we are NOT doing any montage, she complained “Then we got nothing to watch leh.. unless you do some performance and entertain us la.. “ she was unimpressed that there will be a live band but felt my march in to the tune of叉烧包 and replacement of wedding showers with shrimp dumpling would compensate for that quite adequately. Point taken.

Wedding videos. Some swear by it as the BEST way to capture the moments. And how you can always re-watch it years down the road and savour the sweet memories. Others, well, have memory laspes in how they are conned into doing this since they never did come around re-watching the videos enough to maximize the economics of scale. Yong swiftly decided for us – ney, remains in not-to-do list forever.

My cousin’s march in was really really nice. The groom walked in with his mum and then Agnes with her dad. Such thoughtful heart warming gesture. I think everyone was really touched by that and the innovative march in did bring more colors to the wedding. I love it cos there is something about the beaming faces of the parents that just moved me. Thumbs up! Though I do not think it will work for me. Don't think my parents are that game. Anyhow, dancing in to the tune of wondergirls is more liked me though I am sure Yong would turn green at the thought of that. Will ponder about that.

I am sure there will be more nitty gritties to think about when the date draws nearer. Beside, it is only *counting* 6 more months to go.. plenty of time right?

Unique wedding band a dream?

Written on September 23rd 2009

Sigh.. can't get over our wedding bands. Guess this is the only thing left hanging, undecided, so I take the opportunity to worry and fret over it. :p

We are really disappointed that we can't get the exact replica of the design we wanted.

To give you the history:

We were first inspired by Stone design.


Like the idea of wedding bands that does not look liked wedding bands at all. Plus can same same with Yong. But Ah Fai says, wedding band must wear often so the jagged edges may be uncomfortable to wear.

So.. we went for The Knot design


But turned out.. sigh.. our so called creative attempts kapoof..

Suppose to go back to him to confirm the diamond to use (the previous pix is a mock up, still can change diamond to round or square or rectangular). But now I just want to get back the deposit and buy from retail store liked vivodiamond. Hee.. customizing is too tough for me. Me = no creative juice.

Anyway Yong still wants to try. I like this design and hopefully not so tough for Ah fai to customize:


Nice hor? Looks simpler ya? *cross finger ah fai can do*

If really cannot then, sobz, last choice:


But in yong's words "scared the hole on the sides will collect dirt". Hee.. Dun care la.. if really no choice I will settle for this one.

Any opinions?

Wedding plan postponed!

Written on September 21st 2009

It is quite funny to tell friends the above statement. All of them look surprised with a tinge of awkwardness. And then come the careful question of why the decision.

I am still getting married. Just not in Jan 2010. After consulting my Bazi teacher, the better date is on 16th May 2010. Exactly 4 months after my initial date. The thought of changing date came about when we started the reno of our house. I lost complete interest in the Wedding preparation. So hence the decision.

Everyone seems happier about it. Apparently Jan 2010 is a very busy period for alot of my friends. I feel better with the new timeline as I can now juggle both events better. And most importantly, enjoy the process at a more leisurely pace and savour every moment. And it is working out well so far.

Postponed my wedding shots to Jan. So the dresses have to be finalised in Dec. The only problem left is the Wedding band.

This is really a headache. Got some valuable comments on the wedding band design after my last entry on it and we both concluded that we will change it. After the stint of working on more unique design with Ah Fai, we think we might be stretching his skill abit too far. We may be going back to him with one last try to do something different and if that fails too, we will settle with a simple band design. I saw a lady on the train the other day wearing a nice chunky matt/shiny combo for the wedding band. Very nice! But then again, my fingers are far from her long slender ones. Oh well. Anyway there is something really interesting I observed. She was sitting beside a guy, both reading newspaper and I did not know they are a couple till they started to exchange newspaper and had all the couple gestures much later. Why a baffling observation? They have completely different wedding bands! Hers is a chunky matt/shiny one and his a normal band with a line in the middle. Hee.. i started to have wild imagination of their illicit affair with each other, both married to someone else, blah blah.. Anyway, it could jolly well be that the husband bought a new ring for the wifey la...

That leads me to think about what Ah fai said the last time we were in his shop. He said that usually after a few years, the wives will not wear their wedding band anymore. Apparently, the dainty slim designs that typical wedding bands adorn will become outdated as they grow older. This was recieved with thoughtful nods from friends. Something for me to think about...MUCH later.. :P

I am glad to have took on a contractor for the renovation. There are more hands on stuff to do and it opens my mind and eyes on the art of home decor. Now I appreciate the finer things when visiting friends' house, new office, my environment and more acutely aware of the effort and pain put it to make their houses look so put together.

I don't have high hope that my house will turn out as nice. But we will try to make it look cozy at least. A place we know is home. So so looking forward.

Thank god for design blogs!

Written August 26th 2009

I have been pre occupied with the house. Whenever I have some free time in the evening, or when inspiration strokes, I will pop by my new house by just walking over with a measuring tape. Bliss of staying near your parents.

Went through Renotalk religiously for tips and ideas and now settling for contractor instead of ID. ID are great but really expensive. Plus most of them are really contractor with template ideas. Those who are really designers are really beyond my budget.  Sigh.. guess it will really help if I get some lottery windfall now.

After weeks of researching around the internet, I developed a new obsession on design blogs. I consider myself quite an art idiot. Put me in Louve for an hour. Great! Put me in Louve for 3 hours.. I start wondering how many more penises I have to see. But interior design photography blew me away. Looking at those gorgeous photos calms me down and makes me really really happy.

Muji Model house - Muji has morphed into some Ikea-target-walmart kind of monster coporation. And their latest product is “Concept house”. They have created many “model houses” across Japan which includes the contruction of the entire house as well as the furnishing, houseware, furniture, fittings, etc. In other words, you buy the package, packed your suitcase and move in. Can’t get enough of the Muji style of home décor. Just can’t stop drooling over them.

Apartment Therapy - I dismissed this website previously as I was confused by the daily updated articles that includes DIY tips, and all kind of news. Impatient me did not like that and skipped the website, only to come back to it after exhausting the other website sources. Realised that I just need to click on “house tours” and Bingo! Here lies the archive. Not really applicable to Singapore flats but refreshing to see different style other than Singaporean all time favourite “modern comtemporary”. We are such homogenous society that after looking through local designer houses portfolio I concluded that all Singaporean likes to transform their kitchen to resemble their dream Ferarri Red Sportscar, likes shiny black and red complicated TV unit, likes chandliers so much I see them in bedrooms, kitchen, dining and even toilets… And being Singaporean, I have opted for *drumroll* - Modern comtemporary. Ha!

Home-Designing - Haven for cheapo home owners who does not want to buy useless expensive designer home décor books. Categorized home concept across different rooms, i.e. you can click on kitchen designs, and choose if you want to see scandinavian kitchen, red kitchen, yellow kitchen, French kitchen, country kitchen, blah blah.. Many of the designs are 3D drawings which means they are some imaginary wish concepts, not pratical but who cares..

Desire to Inspire - I heart heART HEART this blog. Look at it yourself and nuff said! I am going through desiretoinspire blogroll (other design blogs they dig) and adding on to my RSS feed list fanatically as I write.

Young House Love- Kou Tou to the two most hands on homeowners in US. They DIYed the transformation/renovation of their house and their before-after photos are AMAZING. How they do it?? Lovely blog. Fresh writings. Wonderful DIY tips. Thumbs up!

There are many more but the above are the cream of the crops. I have to read them everyday if not I will feel ..... incomplete? Hope you like them too!

Wedding lunch?

Written August 25th 2009

It was kind of an impulse when I brought up the matter to Yong. But looking back,  I may have thought about it subconsciously for a while as I did not feel uncertain after telling Yong. Just mins before he goes through immigration for yet another training in Bangkok, I asked his opinion if we keep the wedding dinner simple, i.e. maybe just ROM with a simple celebration afterwards.

Stunned by my out of the blue question, he pondered for quite a while before he replied that it is of course a good idea for him as it will be relatively hassle free but asked if I will not regret, considering that this is an once in a lifetime event for me.

We discussed a while and concluded that a wedding lunch is the best solution out. It keeps the mood light, shortened the otherwise day long intensive preparation and most importantly satisfy his parents’ wish to keep the sit down meal and fulfill my parents’ hope for a simple affair.

My heart lightened considerably after the talk. Did not realise that I have found the idea of a full day event, from the fetch bride rah rah, to the tea ceremony, to the rush to the hotel, to the formal sit down dinner lah lah, very daunting. It was fun, thinking of Shanghai Tang songs for the march in and how the brothers should do the 斧头帮dance. But to actually do it, hmm… , not really. Maybe I don’t have the guts. Maybe deep down, what I really really want is an intimate meal with my closest closest friends and relatives. Maybe deep deep deep down, I am really affected by what my parents want. And I just can’t follow my heart. And want to keep things really plain and simple because that is what will make my parents happy and stress free.

Sigh.. who says wedding is just a two people affair.

I know why we did not consider wedding lunch in the beginning. I wanted a real celebration. And a real celebration cannot be without alcohol. And of cos with alcohol, confirm越夜越美. Plus I did know Yong through serial “dragonflying”. But with some of his friends becoming new dads and others waiting for their 2nd ones, mine much tamer than before (drinking is now mostly confined at homes; no more dragonfly for a long long time) it does not seemed like a good idea anymore.

And as I move on my Bazi module 3 class with Master Chew, I realised that the dates that are given by Master long is not well thought through. I wanted convenience and did not want to believe that selecting a right date to get married will do miracle to my marriage. But as I study, the need to get a good date gets more apparent since my birth chart is not exactly the best for blissful marriage life.

No, don’t get me wrong. I am not being superstitious here. Through Bazi and Zi wei, I learn more about myself. Learn more about the not so nice part of myself. And coming terms to that. Coping with these character flaws. Not letting them manifest into detrimental effects on my marriage. Or other aspect of my life. With my mum, dad, friends, etc..

Anyway, I have digressed.

So, Yong has to speak to his parents and I am meeting Master Chew next Saturday on the wedding date selection.

And then informing the closest friends the change of date if everything go smoothly.

First home

Written August 10, 2009

Tomorrow is THE day. As written on the contract which was signed 3 months ago. We will recieve the keys to our very first home. Our very first matrimony home. Our love nest. Our own pig sty. Our cocoon. Our space. Totally over-brimming with joy and anticipation.

Still remember the days of insomnia after the signage. It happened too fast. Saw it one weekend. And after the next, we signed the contract. Only viewed the unit 2-3 times. After much calculations, numerous frantic calls with Auntie, days of thinking through, we just decided upon it. And oh boy, am I glad that i did so now. A quick look at website shows that my house was one of the few miserable transactions in May 09. But that turned out to be the turnaround month for Singapore property market this year. And the market sky-rocketed thereafter and till now, the property market shows no sign of slowing down... Can only say..HENG ah... :P


And I have never slept better ever since I drop by at the website.

I had tortured myself for the past few months with thoughts that it was a hasty bad decision. I love the house. Without a doubt. But the AIA/HSBC financial planner in me could not stop doing the sums. Over and over and over and over again for the few moments before I sleep everynight. My years in Financial planning gave me a lot of "greatest fear in my life". Greatest fear in signing a mortgage. Which also leads to my greatest fear in losing the freedom to choose the career I want to be in. Which also leads to my greatest fear in not able to lead/change the lifestyle as I please.

Well, 3 months is more than enough for me to acknowledge the fact that since I am already in shit, must as well learn to live with it. (=__=)"

Today is the last day of the long weekend. Spent the last 3 days in Yong's place brainstorming for Reno ideas.

ID or contractor?

Japanese Zen or contemporary?

Open kitchen or closed one?

so many decisions to make. So headache. But the good kind. So we are kind of "enjoying" the headaches now.

Hmm.. maybe I will start a reno blog.

Meeting Mr Chang the raved fengshui shi from Renotalk forum. Hope he is good. Will update after appt next sat. Can't wait. :)

Shopping for wedding dresses

Written on June 24th 2009



This was the other dress I considered. Really loved it at first. Very Michelle Chia. Simple and clean cut. Plus it really made my waist look impossibly small. (then again, i could hardly breathe in it!) But when I compare it with THE wedding dress, it became really plain after a while.




Yeah, this is THE dress. Not used to the layers at first. Instinctively I always go for something plain. Not your typical princessy dress. But F4 and Jess loved it at first sight. And it really grows on me. The silhouette is really nice. And somehow it fits in the Shanghai theme. Here is another view of it.




Chio or not? ;P



The tea dresses at Dang is nice. But not the va-va-voom kind. Got bored after a while.




This is the Audrey Hepburn dress that came highly recommended. I love Audrey's style. I have her all over my desktop wallpaper. But I don't have thin chest, stick arms, long torso, and ended up looking at ba zang. Boo to my flabby arms, boo to my short torso that looks like it starts from my armpits, boo to overall ba-ness..




To give it some credit, it looked really cute on the mannequin. But I went huh? when Daphane recommended this. Not sure if she thinks highly of me, that I can carry that off. But still try it for fun and...... very sala!!!




Finally some skin. Maybe I got too excited to show some cleavage *hee..* and overlooked the Ge-tai sequins. I really liked it when wearing it but Yong kept doing his ehhhs.. Turned out he was right when we looked at the photos. Too old. Bleh.. next!!




Last but not least, my final choice! It is a size too big and Daphane had to pin up part of the neckline. I was too tired and grouchy and since Yong likes it (he thinks it is pretty sexy), I decided on it after 5 mins. Not sure if I will regret given it is pretty plain. Dun care liao la... :P



And that was it! Done shopping! Yeahhhhhhhh....:)