My wish for 2012

Dear Heavenly Abba,

For the last 1-2 years, I quietly dreaded every momentous date in the calendar. Birthdays, anniversary, new year, Christmas… Every celebration is a rude reminder of how I was yet another day/month/year older and the sense of dismay, of still being barren, of still not being parents, would pull me down to the abyss of self-pity. There would always be this twinge of sadness and longing at the end of the merrymakings.

As this year comes to a close, the familiar melancholy begins to manifest. Thanks to Amazon for its incredible ease of buying books on kindle, I have devoured many Timothy Keller’s books that have very convincingly and lovingly explain how I had tried futilely to fill up this aching emptiness in my heart with “idols” of this world. Some believes that money can buy them happiness. Some pursues love and romance to sooth the aches. Others liked myself crave for family/children so our life would finally be “perfect”. And yet, at the end of the day, to borrow the cliché phrase, that “the only constant thing in life is change”, none of these undependable ideals can really satisfy the void. However, given the very self-centered nature of human, oh, how difficult it is to remind ourselves that You have all the answer for us and all we need to do is to BELIEVE and LET GO. And focus on Your love for us and get it in our heart that this is all that matters.

A friend I knew online whom I never met but yet knows my pain very well wrote a beautiful email that touched my heart deeply. She shared with me what her mum wrote to her, that “because of what we have been through, we are uniquely trained to comfort those who are going through the same thing. We know what it is to hurt as they hurt, fear as they fear, and yearn as they yearn”. And I thought of You. How You also lost Your beloved son on the cross. That You knew my pain. That You had your heart broken as well. And more importantly, You did all these for us. All in the love for us.

My heavenly Father, I thank you and praise you for the blessings I have. And with Your gift of immense love and grace, I know that Year 2012 would be a good one. Because of the assurance that You will always be there to catch every drop of my tears and I can always run to You, my refuge, my fortress, and rest beneath Your wings.

My wish for Year 2012 is that my heart will be restful and at peace. That instead of aching emptiness, I will be so filled with your overwhelming love and grace, and in turn, it overflows to the people around me. Dear Father, let this wish be done according to your will. In Jesus name, I pray, amen!

Felt like the real honeymoon...

Just back from the airport from our 8 days tokyo trip. Exhausted and kind of relieved to be home. The trip was fabulous. At some point, Yong told me and I agreed heartily that this felt more liked our honeymoon than the Scenery resort trip in Thailand. The cold weather, the beautiful ryokan, meals after meals of fabulous gorgeous jap food, pilgrimage to studio ghibli (yes, yet again!), xmas lightings...

Attached outdoor hot spring at our ryokan in Hakone

Late afternoon light

Love by George Herbert

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,

Guilty of dust and sin.

But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack

From my first entrance in,

Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning

If I lack'd anything.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";

Love said, "You shall be he."

"I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,

I cannot look on thee."

Love took my hand and smiling did reply,

"Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame

Go where it doth deserve."

"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"

"My dear, then I will serve."

"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."

So I did sit and eat.

Lovely lovely lovely poem by George Herbert. Essence of our relationship with God, bottled in these few lines of words.

Favorite quote of the day

"Education without values, as useful as it is, seems rather to make man a more clever devil."

--- C. S. Lewis

Between doing my assignments and reading christian literature on kindle, this quote from my current favorite author sums these two mind boggling subjects up nicely.

Life #1

Random pictures of life

Got a get well cake from my beloved F4 during my 2 weeks break :_)

lazy afternoon with my new orange Kindle.. LOVE IT TO BITS!

favorite look of the moment, power of red lipstick, source

因為愛情

I went all quiet when I first heard this over the radio in Yong's car. My favorite male and female mandarin pop singers doing a duet together. Can this get any better?

Jumped on youtube immediately after. Though I have never watched the movie 《将爱情进行到底》I got all teary watching the MV. 

"因为爱情 简单的生长, 依然随时可以为你疯狂"

Breakfast @ Food for Thought

Food for Thought is just next to Seed Insitute which I am taking my ECH dip and is fast becoming my staple dining place for dinner. I love the whole good food with a good cause concept, the laid back artsy environment, their chicken pesto pasta and great service. Read more about them here.

Hungrygowhere reviewers raved about their breakfast sets and finally got the chance this morning to try it out. AND IT WAS FABULICIOUS!!!! No wonder there was a queue even though it was raining cats and dogs..

We will definitely be back again.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Back at work for a week by now. The two weeks break was well-utilized. Spent all my time doing nothing and it was just what i needed. So by the time it was time to go back to work, I was raring to go. Always thought I hated working but turned out I was just burnt out.

The week passed uneventfully. Except for the occasional twinges which reminded me of my empty womb. But other than those brief moments of melancholy, I surprised myself at how well I handled post miscarriage life. I even survived a baby shower completed with room full of running and screaming toddlers and awkward questions from acquaintances. I was whatsapping Miss Ene that perhaps miscarriage has thickened my skin somehow. All the fears I had before somehow evaporated. Maybe it is also because I regarded myself every bit a mother as my friend. Only difference is that mine is in heaven. Hence, unexpectedly, I am emotionally stronger than before. And that I am finally able to bask in friends’ joy of receiving their newborns without any hint of bitterness is truly liberating. And let me take the opportunity to congratulate Yann on her mini bean. It had not been an easy journey for you but what sweet sweet victory you have now! And just liked what Mr Thick said, you bring us hope.

Of course the two weeks break was not easy. The pain of loss was so excruciating at times I would do anything to stop it. Depressing thoughts I confided in Yong scared both of us. Dark moments I would never want to visit again. But it was also at that lowest point I told myself that it was enough and I had to move on. The thought that my baby is now in good hands was my strongest motivation and best comfort.

My voice still wavers and eyes still mist when friends and families send their regards. I still winced when another friend announced her pregnancy and sighed longingly when I realized my due date would have been the same as hers. Stared wistfully at my friend’s hubby doing a very public display of affection over his son. But through these, I learn to manage my grief without shutting off the world liked I usually would. Learn to appreciate the fragility and strength of a new life. And empathize with my friend’s hubby, because behind the overzealous smooching and kissing of their newborn, was years of waiting and trying.

You may call me a starry eyed optimist but this is my way of coping. I just can't live my life in bitterness and envy and the recent change of mindset, albeit it came because of an unfortunate cause, freed me and I emerged, somehow, more at peace than before.

I had quite abit of encouragements from friends not give up and try again. Coincidentally my gynae also advised that. Contrary to what the online forums advocate, he said there is no need to wait 3 to 6 months for the womb to "rest". If any, the wait is more for emotional healing. His nurse even pulled me aside to tell me testimonies of patients who succeeded the very next month they miscarried and encouraged me to try. We were very touched by their gentle assurances.

But for now, we are going to take it easy on this matter. Letting go and letting God. I fell madly in love with Yong all over again. So we are gonna do some serious pak-tor-ing. Going to Bhutan end year (finally!). And looking forward to spend time on my new kindle. So yes, I think I will be alright.

Heartfelt thank you to all who have left messages/emails/sms. I treasure every one of them for they have been a great source of motivation for me. Thank you thank you thank you.

To my dearest angel in heaven

My dearest angel in heaven

Mummy read a book named “heaven is for real” after knowing your departure from the nice baby doctor. I believe you must be sitting in Jesus’ lap, looking down at Mummy and Daddy, listening to the angels sing. And I believe Father God and Jesus must have told you how much they know and feel Mummy and Daddy’s pain in losing you. I believe, my little angel, that one day we will hold you in our arms in heaven. Just have a great time there in the meanwhile.

You know, one of the happiest day of Mummy’s life is when I waved the positive pregnancy  kit in front of your Daddy’s face. I will never forget his face. You know Daddy is not the most expressive person right? :) He had the biggest biggest grin on his face and oh, how his eyes sparkled and gradually turned into tears. As we hugged each other, marveled in joy at your miraculous conception. How wonderful you were , this gift from God! Baby, we waited for you for so long. The ecstasy of knowing the wait for you is finally over. There were so many times I wanted to go to the baby doctor for help but I held back because Father God told me I don’t need to. And He was right! You were a miracle, conceived naturally in my womb, by God, by His Love and by His blessing.

You opened our world, my angel. The year of anxiety, doubts, shame and deep sadness came to an end. Both Mummy and Daddy could not stop thinking how you would look liked, what sex you were, if you would like the nursery Daddy spent hours at night designing,  and if you would like the cardigan Mummy was planning to knit for you. We walked into department stores with renewed eyes, sourcing out all baby related items and contemplate when where and how to place them in our home for you. Baby, you were sheer joy even when you were just two months in my womb, still just a heartbeat and a dot. So tiny yet so great!

Oh, yes, your heartbeat! That day we left the baby doctor’s office, clutching the photo of you just a wiggling dot and your breath, your heartbeat in our hands. We could not stop grinning to each other. It was one of the happiest moments of our lives. And we could not wait to tell the world about you and share our joy.

Maybe it was the mother’s instinct. Maybe it was just my anxious self. I would never know. But Mummy was afraid to tell too many people. After much thought, I only told your grandma and some of mummy’s closest friends and boss, your loving aunties. It was too early. Your size were too small for your age. Your heartbeat abit too slow. These were the nudging small thoughts that bothered me. But the joy of having you was overwhelming and I did not really entertained much of these nasty thoughts. and never allow fear to dominate. And so I went on everyday praying for your health and thanking Father God for your miraculous conception. For most part of the days, Mummy and Daddy were just happily planning for your arrival.

That is why, my angel, it was especially hard when the monitor showed you quiet and still in the 3rd scan. You were the same size as the scan before. But awfully still. The baby doctor could no longer detect your heartbeat. Five days later, we tried again but you looked exactly the same. Baby angel, you left Mummy and Daddy as abruptly as you came. My heart broke to think that we would never have the chance to hold you in our arms. But at the same time, we were so grateful for the happiness you brought in your short span with us. As you can see, my baby, Mummy got quite crazy oscillating wildly between sad and happy thoughts.

Your grandma is a sweetheart. She kept cooking and brewing soup for Mummy. I know that is her way of saying she loves me very much. Grandma is very encouraging. Oh my angel, I would not know what to do without your granny’s love. Your aunties were very sweet too. Though most of them did not know what to say to console me. But you know Mummy, don’t you, angel? What Mummy really needs is alots of space and time alone to miss you, think about you and remember you. And so I told them that and they send their love the way i needed. Your auntie Yim was so sad for Mummy she cried halfway across the globe, and wrote email that was so filled with love that comforted Mummy so so much. 

Baby angel, I was so angry with Jesus and Father God for allowing you to be taken away. But after reading through book and the bible, I understood that i will never understand why God does what He did, but His loving nature and goodness is undeniable. I know that deeply because He gave me your Daddy who must be an angel sent into Mummy’s life. He must be very sad as well and yet he continued to hold himself up as the strong pillar of strength for me. My precious, you know, sometime when i woke up in bed beside Daddy, I would feel so blessed just looking at his face. And wonder how gracious God is to bless me with this wonderful man. For without him, I would not know how to go through all these dark moments.

During this period, people mummy had never met in her life, liked the anesthetist and TCM uncle, came forward in the most unexpected ways to provide Mummy with comfort I needed so much at that point. Baby darling, Mummy is so lucky to meet so many kind souls. Again, that has to come from God. And if Mummy is to think beyond the immediate pain of losing you, I am a very blessed woman. My love, my dearest baby, I know in my heart that you are now at a very very good place, surrounded by love thousand times more than I am experiencing now. Mummy is now picking up the pieces with Daddy and moving on in our lives. We would however, always remember you in our heart and I look so forward to the day we hold you in our arms in heaven.

Love you so so so much

Mummy

Ps: Mummy used to feel so sad and inadequate when others have their babies. Always wondering what was wrong with me. Strangely, after having you, all those bitterness left along with you. The mummies of these healthy babies may not know, but I know how much it takes for every precious lives, every bouncing healthy babies to be conceived and carried through term and born successfully. That every child I see is a miracle in itself. So how can I feel bitter towards such wonderful miracles? And so I thank you, my love, for bringing peace into my heart and taking away the bitterness I fought over the last one year. Thank you my little angel in heaven.

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Random thoughts

Time really whooshed by for the last two months. While classes have been really enjoyable (have to give it to Seed institute for their creative modules and passionate teachers) I am getting burnt out with classes every other day. When there is no class, I will have project meetings that run for hours every week. I am EXHAUSTED! My two short trips in July are just fuzzy memories now and I badly BADLY need another break. Doesn’t help when I spent whatever free time oogling over the lastest trip photos of my fav bloggers. Sigh, with my grueling class schedules, I can only dream about travelling till maybe…… Xmas?

I have not been exercising much and since jogging is out, at least for now, I am trying out swimming (finally utilizing the facilities we have been paying blindly for) and it is getting off to a really slow start. Realized it is so much easier to put off swimming as compared to jogging: sheer logistics of putting on the bathing suit, constant battling of self-esteem (sucking in tummy no longer effective to tuck in tummy :P), too cold, too hot, too many noisy kids at the pool, etc etc.. Sigh, need to get my momentum up soon!

One of my friend wittily concluded the PE results: TT supporters – Pap supporters, TCB supporters – moderate/on the fence voters, TJS – opposition supporters and TKL – ticked wrongly. :P Anyway, I am quite disappointed with the results because of the large % of moderate voters. These fence sitters disagree with the idea of someone so closely linked to PAP to do the check and balance on the reserve but yet cannot agree with the more “aggressive” approach of TJS. (aggressive defined by Singaporeans as dared to ask questions on reserve while none of the other candidates did; But how else can we know about our reserve unless we open our mouth and ask? Anyway) Singaporeans want friendly oppositions. But oh… the irony of that… lagi sigh…

Celebrated Dad's birthday over the weekend. As usual, he refused any sort of celebratios and I made do with an Ang bao and a simple birthday cake. At least I got macho him to blow off the candle this time. Flor Patisserie cakes rock!!   

Love family gatherings

I am glad that Yong shares my love to have guests over. Not just the modest three four ppl gathering but large group of ten to twenty people, all squeezed in our tiny place, eating and drinking to their hearts' content and chilling in front of the TV or more recently, the piano thereafter.  We absolutely love the loud and boisterous affair and it fills our heart with joy to see our loved ones enjoy themselves.

Some photos from recent family gathering..

Chilling out in our living room

Ruscoe - The most handsome dog in the world

Little Cleo practicing on my piano

Totally in love with Ah Tio's new cap. He is one suave looking elder. :)

Wait by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

One of my pastors warned that we do not interpret this poem to think that God is withholding happiness from us. That is unscriptural and not the nature of God. I understand and totally agree because that is not the God I know and read about.

Nonetheless, I love this poem. It depicts my feelings about waiting perfectly and reminds me of God's faithfulness and love for us.

I want a Silvana...

No.. not the Italian screen siren, Silvana Mangano, but the Fendi bag named after her. I have been googling, reading, re-reading and agreeing fervently on blog posts that gush and swoon over how classic yet versatile this gorgeous bag is. My fashion guru colleague urged me to go down to the store to take a look myself because he is convinced that the F logo on the strap cheapens the bag. Any gals familiar with this bag agree? Another quip I have about this bag is that even though it looks pretty versatile, one still have to look relatively smart casual to carry this off, no? So that means a no-no for the usual T-shirt and shorts outfits I don in over weekends. Hmm...

Anyhow, check out the pictures of this beautiful baby.. I love the color blocking of the SS11 collection, especially this one:

Source from Purseblog

But i don't mind this...

Source from Motte Preorder

Or this... (in my fav. color for bags)

Source from Luisaviroma

And this, croc version of the first silvana above, seen on SJP...

Source from vintagestylepurse

And last but not the least, my fav fav fav version in glorious seventies vintage chic..

Source from bagsnob

Alas the fashion guru says the above version is easily replicated and he predicts that before long, replica of it will be all over town.

What do you think?

Missing Krabi already...

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Have been traveling extensively for the last couple of weeks. Since they are for leisure, I am well rested and unexpectedly joyous on a Monday morning.

July is my birthday month. With overwhelmingly numerous negative reports on having children too late, birthdays are no longer a celebration of birth but rude reminders of my aging body. Coupled with my want-it-right-here-right-now personality, ahh.. you can only imagine my level of anxiety preceding the hatchday

Since the last post, my emotions have gone on a roller coaster ride. My f4 (closest girlfriends) kind of “confronted” me on how I have shut them off emotionally recently. Truth is, I don’t really know how to confide in them; one of them blissfully awaiting the birth of her 2^nd child. I was angry with them for forcing me to a corner. Then sad, to have make them awkward when that was the last thing I wanted (hence my evasive behavior). Finally helpless, because I don’t really know how to behave anymore. All I wanted was to be left alone to deal with myself.

There is this area at my hipbones that really hurt during my daily massage (Thai massage rocks!) at Krabi. As usual, I consulted our in house TCM guru/colleague (he is doing part time TCM studies) and his reply kind of stunned me. The area represents pent up emotions and over time, it will hurt if they are not released. Ah…as if I need more reminders.

Anyway, the two short but fabulous holidays helped to bring me out of the emotional rut I was in. I straighten my thoughts and now feel more encouraged about my future. I had my first class last week and it feels great to be back studying again. I signed up for crocheting class and am so looking forward to start this Saturday.

One of my girls commented that I can get very obsessive. And I concur. Only thing is that my obsessions are usually short lived. They usually get to a point I know I have to stop. And here I am, gaining control back in my life. Taking the spotlight off that one area of my life and regaining clarity over rest. And thank LORD for that.

Latest (good) addiction: summer photo series from one of the blogs I regularly stalked.

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Random thoughts for random post.

Recently I found myself unable to resist walking into a cafe. Mostly alone. Sneak in during lunch or weekend mornings. Usually beside the window where the natural light makes the cutlery and crockery ensemble look the best. Time stands still while I savor the dishes, coffee and a book.

Not that it is a bad thing but to do it THAT often is not exactly the best thing for my monthly food budget. Besides, the immense pleasure I get out of these quiet moments almost feels sinful sometime. For those who read Eat Pray Love, it is my version of the Italy experience. And yes, not surprisingly, with all those carbs, I had the same hard time buttoning up the jeans these days. That is despite training and completing the 10km run. (Yes! Amazingly, I survived it!)

Midst of my borderline obsession with the cafe trips, I read this news about how caffeine impairs women's fertility. But as what Yann said in her blog (me loyal fan) before, I too know of people with one hand on coffee and other on cigarette having absolutely no problem getting a bun (make that BUNS) in the oven. But then again, when is the world fair?

Which brings me to the next point. My BFF confessed to me yesterday how bad she felt about breaking the news that two of our friends are pregnant again some weeks ago. She realized how insensitive she was since she knew I have been trying, well, with much less success when I responded with a long awkward silence.

It saddens me to hear that. This shows how small minded I am to make her think that. That I cannot be happy for my friends' happiness. Though it is true that I have been subconsciously avoiding gatherings. The SOP: Congratulate the next mother to be, scan the crowd for the married but still barren ones, posed the question of the year "when is your turn?" and watch them squirm in discomfort.

Jokes aside, deep down, I know they mean well. I do. And I am genuinely happy for my friends. I just can't get past reacting in defense to their innocent questions. I really really have to build up my skin so thick I would not even flinch when shoot with that damning question again. And spare my poor news and child bearer friends my ungracious response.

I really don't like me these days. How I have became this strange person afraid of her own friends. Terrified of some well meaning albeit insensitive words. Frightened of friends' offsprings (scarred for life because of one relative who insisted that I carried her son "because he will bring me luck in TTC')

My BFF's remark forces me to reflect on my recent evasive acts. Time to stop wallowing in self pity and embrace my friends' happiness wholeheartedly. It is not fair for me to rob them of their joy in spreading their happy news. I need to stop all my nonsense.

If everything goes well, July would be the start of a very busy 3 years. I signed up for Dip in Early Childhood Education recently. Told myself that I should not let my love for kids go to waste if the wait for mine gets really long. A small step towards facing my fears.

I continue to read up about Christian Faith. I still don't quite get it. But I know, without God, I would have been in an even darker place. And for that, I am thankful.

We have been floating the idea of going for 2 weeks trip in Bhutan later this year. For a country who uses Gross National Happiness (GNP) to measure its policy success, it is awfully expensive to travel there. Decisions.. decisions....

One year wedding anniversary

The long weekend last week was timely for our wedding anniversary. Yes, a year has flew past and what a year!

Took Monday off to make it a short 4 days break and we thought about grand plans to celebrate. But ended up watching 同伊 this addictive korean period drama which is similar to 大长今. I am a big fan of the latter (I watched it 7 times, yes you heard that right) so it is no brainer that we love 同伊 as well. So after 4 days of pigging out in front of the TV (all lunch and dinners in front of it) till late night just to watch that one more episode, we decided we should do something more ... healthy. 

Signed up with Climb Asia for the sport climbing course last weekend and had a blast though i could hardly clench my fists at the end of the day. It is actually pretty therapeutic to watch others climb liked monkeys from wall to wall. 

We are kind of scared of our half watched 同伊 DVDs now. They are liked drugs. The moment you start you can't stop. Argh.. waiting for the next long weekend to waste in front of the TV. 

We are adding on the photo frames montage that Yong did up previously. I had to choose the photos this time and while going through old photos, I found this and can't resist posting this. Love the muted colors. And the pink bedsheet I used to sleep on during weekend sleepover at Yong's old place. 

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Cheapo me finally came to terms to part with $171 to move the piano from mum's place (just one block away from mine!!). So after one long year of pining, I am reunited with my black baby.

Spent some hours playing all my old favorite pieces for Yong. And the familiar tunes brought back many memories. For moments, I was back in secondary school again, practicing my exam pieces, struggling to play my beloved Romantic Era pieces with my tiny hands. Happiness.

Monday, my boss checked in with me. She knew how fixated I was with the election and was concerned if I was happy with the election results. I guess I am. After reading countless desktop warriors' analysis and numerous coffee-tea-lunch-dinner-supper sessions with election news junkies friends and family, i kind of expected this result. It was a long shot but I really hoped SDP would get a GRC too. But of cos, that would be asking too much from my fellow Singaporean, isn't it? Oh well..

Brunch at Riders Cafe

Brilliant place to chill and catch up with an old friend. I am so in love with the cafes at Saddle club area.

And yes, they taste as breathtakingly good as they look. Slurp.

A Special Good Friday

Wedding anniversary gift came 3 weeks early. I have been thinking about getting myself a cross pendent. Yong decided it would be a perfect anniversary gift and what better day to receive it on. I am absolutely in love with it.

Finally finished watching the miniseries DVD on Jesus of Nazareth the night before. This certainly beats reading the four gospels (finished John and half way through Luke) to get the whole story. Funnily enough, I found myself linking how Jesus's radical ideas was rejected by the Pharisees and the ultimate betrayal of his own people to the current political scene in Singapore.

And behold the timely post from Yaelujunce Pilgrimage blog titled "Would Jesus vote for PAP?" And how my heart sang as I devoured every single word on the post. I can't agree more.

By the way, for those interested, Joel Joshua Goh rocked Singapore online community with his controversial post named "My vote counts: 10 reasons why I cannot vote for PAP in the next election" about a year plus ago. Did a standing ovation after reading it.

Mum's bday celebration at Khmer Delight

Brought my mum to Singapore only Cambodian restaurant, Khmer Delight, for her bday dinner yesterday. Brilliant choice since my mum is always keen for new food places.

Can't quite describe the style. Nope, it is not quite Vietnamese. Not quite Thai. Not quite Indonesian.

Top: Banana Flower Salad; Bottom: Fried Spring Roll

The Banana Flower Salad was the da-bomb dish for me. I love Thai mango salad to death and I finally found something even better than that. It has the same crunch as mango salad but is alot more delicate in taste. The mixture of lemony/limey, nutty, salty, sweet taste is just mindblowing. I never really liked crunchy fried stuff but these are some tasty spring rolls. Really crispy on the outside and soft but not mushy yam+minced meat paste thingy for the stuffing. Divine.

Clockwise from top left: Signature soup; Fish Amok; Lok Lak Beef; Fried kangkong

Main courses are hits and misses for me. More misses cos I like savory food more. The sweet pineapple-y signature soup and Lok Lak beef (stir fried beef with more sweet than sour sauce) just didn't work for me. But my mum and Yong on the other hand were digging heartily into these two dishes while I attacked the Fish Amok.

I was looking forward to this dish after reading all the Hungrygowhere raving reviews thus was kind of disappointed to see the size of it - small soup bowl. But oh.. what potent stuff it is. The top layer is made up of some soft otah-liked sauce that is bursting of coconut, lime leaves, etc flavours. Scoop deep into the bottom of the bowl to get through the layer of sauce to the soft tender fish at the bottom and hurl the wonderful mixture into the mouth. Squint slightly , purse lips and make some throaty appreciative sounds. Oh yeah, that is how I enjoy good food.

We ordered Durian sticky rice which is kind of so so only. But the Mont Blanc cake from Flor Patisserie was heavenly. Fluffy soft sponge cake with chestnut cream, stuffed generously with small pieces of Gao Lak (roasted chestnut), topped with fresh gorgeous fruits. It was a perfect ending to the wonderful night.

Absolutely love the smile on my mummy in this photo. ^o^

What's in my bag?

Been really lazy in blog posting since work has been incredibly busy and all i want to do end of each day is to stone in front of mindless frivolous tv shows. But here I am, springing back into action as I have been tagged by Miss Ene(Love her carrot key pouch and 黑钱小包包) and Z to do a post on "What's in my bag?".

I hesitated at first to do the post. Those are not pretty things in my bag. My pouches have been around for a Looooong time and they look so. But heck.. things never look that bad in photos.. so here goes..

I like carrying my life around so totes are my staples. My trusty super durable Coccinelle bag had and is still serving me well. I alternate this with the newish Alexa which goes with my oxfords for the girls dress liked guys looks I dig alot lately.

These are my essential four items; my Bally wallet (going on to its tenth year soon), Iphone, earpiece and my dirrrrrty key pouch (going on to its fifth year soon). Yeah, high time to do some upgrading. 

My grimey teddy bear print pouch holds all the small girly things which... I don't actually use much.  Except for Palmer Dark chocolate and peppermint lip butter (BEST lipbalm ever) and maybe the Clean & Clear blotter. I was pleasantly surprised to find the lipsticks, mirror and hand cream. Oh.. SO this is where I have been keeping them. ^o^

I have an unhealthy obsession with small notebooks. They are just too adorable and hold so much possibility of glorious things I can write in them. Which of cos does not happened often. Anyhow, a staple albeit a useless one. Hence my equally unhealthy obsession to ensure I have pens. At all times. I am so paranoid I will run out of them I had to have three.

My Zovirax cold sore cream. Citravescent and antibiotics stash for UTI. Must have in case of attacks. Time to buy another cute looking pouch to hold the not so cute looking medications.

Last but not least, my DBS IB secure device. You never know when you need to do urgent transfer for yet another impulse blogshop purchase.

Miss Ene wondered if it is a girl's thing to put everything into little pouches or if any girl actually throws things directly into the bag. Well, I am obviously the latter cos even though I own a couple of pouches I managed to scrape these from my bag .....

And that is probably why I can never find things in my bag.

●

When the booming music from the Holi Hungama celebration at the field near our place nearly shattered our windows and eardrums, we finally found the motivation to fix our bikes for a ride (aka escape) to East Coast park on Saturday evening. Rode to the quieter stretch to enjoy the breeze and peace before chilling at a beach bar for some Mexican dinner. Brought back fond memories of Club Med. Salty sea breeze, yummy food, great alcohol and time standing still. Ahh... can just feel the stress melting away..

Barely 24 hours later, here I am staring mournfully at the unfinished work on my computer screen. My ever increasing workload has finally found its way into my precious weekend.

Damn, I need a drink... it is gonna be a long night.

Run: 3km

Total since Jan 2011: ..... (lost count)

PS: Just have to share this ADORABLE blog I chanced upon recently. This "stay-at-home, freelancer-for-hire and user-of-many-hyphens Dad" was so used to sticking post-it as reminders in office, he decided to use that while watching his son. Tongue in cheek blog title: Message With a Bottle

Tailored made Cheong Sam

I told myself that I will own cheongsamS eventually after we decided on the for rent option for Dang package. Tailor made from scratch. And here is my very first piece. Same seamstress as my bridesmaid dress for those interested. The only gripe I have with it is that it is too short! I want my cheongsams to be work friendly.

So onto cheongsam project #2 soon!

Scenery Resort - The outdoors

We were too paiseh to ask the Thai Auntie to shift her bag. heh...

Part of the farm is open to the public where tourists can come in to feed the sheep and do some major cam-whoring with the lovely surrounding. Not surprised to find a wedding couple doing their pre-wed shots in the resort. After all, we got attracted to Thomas' portfolio because of the shoot he did for a friend in this very resort.

As you can see from the above photos, i was terrified of the overzealous herd. According to my zodiac sign, they are supposed to be docile, gentle and meek. My foot! Or.. hooves.. as we tried to rub off the hooves prints from our tops after their enthusiastic feeding time.

I prefer the calmer ponies.

But the lambs were so cuuuute... they are liked.. little puppies... very frisky puppies...

Sorry i just had to add that photo of Yong in his favorite position. After all these years, I never really gotten over the Ah Beng crushes, I had to marry one!

Btw, for whom interested, you can actually fly in to this resort, well, if you have a private helicopter. We just HAD TO do these crazy shots on the helipad, to the great amusement of the wedding couple and their crew. (or annoyance since they had to wait to use the premise till we got our shots right; wasn't really sure, didn't really care, ha!)

And with such to die for landscape, how can we miss out the narcissistic cam-whore photos? Lovingly selected from hundreds of failed photos.